one is the lonliest number

I am mostly excited for the weeks to come, but I have had moments where I'm just wishing my trip was coming to a close so I could be back home with friends. The idea of being alone is a much more wonderful and freeing thought than actually being alone - watching the locals out with their friends or lovers, watching the tourists in their large groups or with a special companion they trust to spend many weeks with - it makes me second guess my choice to be by myself or at least the 'six week' aspect of my trip.

This fleeting thought came to me yesterday because of the way my night started: I wanted to go out to a hip place, have a few drinks, fall into conversation with like travelers, and share a few stories. No one was around at the hostel to meet, so I ended up going to dinner early...and what appeared to be too early. I searched for some time to find a cheap restaurant/bar filled with people, but because I couldn't, I settled on an empty place I thought had the potential of filling up - it didn't. After dinner, I tried a popular (according to the guide book) European traveler bar, and while it was packed, I might as well have been sitting in my room with my beer. Everyone was in their groups, and I felt like I was in some cliquey Santa Cruz bar where you only meet someone new if they're a friend of a friend.

I went back to the hostel to kill some time (so that I might have a better chance with a later crowd) and to gather myself. The shy girl was coming back in full force, and I felt myself retreating - it just takes so much energy to pull my strength out. I considered bed, but seeing as I'd set aside Saturday to be my night out, I didn't want to waste it. Off to Monoloco I went, another popular tourist bar, figuring at the least I'd just have another beer to make me tired enough to sleep.

I nursed the first half of my beer sitting by a group of young American girls who may as well have been back home than in Guatemala - I barely got a glance when I said hello. I was getting more frustrated and was having trouble following the futbol highlights and considered just downing the rest of my drink, when someone tapped me on the shoulder. It was this cute guy I'd noticed come into the bar with his friend about 20 minutes earlier, and he was asking if he could buy me a beer. Despite my whole point of being out there, my difficulty in accepting anything, especially from strangers, almost caused me to say no. But I didn't, and I joined him and what turned out to be his brother.

For the next hour and a half, the the two locals and I had a great time speaking horrible Spanglish (I would speak in Spanish, they would reply in English, and whenever any of us didn't know the right words, we'd slip back into our own language), laughing and sharing the basic getting-to-know-you stories. They told me some of their favorite cities to visit, which bars had happy hours on what nights, and the best places to dance (btw, looks like I will be going out for 60 cent shots and salsa dancing on Tuesday, haha). There was nothing very remarkable about either guy or the conversation, but it felt so nice to be out and meeting new people - a time better than I had originally hoped for and that I thought was not possible. Though offered more, I kept my drinks to the one free beer and went home at around midnight with a handshake and a hug.

Perhaps I was originally being impatient; I certainly can't expect to strike up a conversation with someone new every minute of every day. However, those two guys helped to remind me that if I keep trying, I will find a good time. I don't have to dig so deep for my power.

**

Today is the day I meet my family for my homestay - I had considered trying to join one of the volcano tours today (hiking up a live volcano!), but I think I'll save it for next weekend and just let myself get settled into this new house and Antigua a bit more. Also, thanks to the beautiful weather (no rain yesterday), I've been sitting out in the sun reading Truman Capote - finding my love for pleasure reading again is worth the cost of the trip alone.

I don't know how easy it will be to blog this week, as I wont have unlimited free internet access, but I will certainly try to keep updating. Miss you all.